I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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