I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
