Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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