You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
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