Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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