You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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