2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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