Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
