Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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