woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my being single is dangerous.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
