There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
