Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
