His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
