Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
