i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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