My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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