found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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