I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize