It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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