I want you more than these girls want KFC
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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