I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
