nut hugger
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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