I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
