i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
