brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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