All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
high people should be assigned attendants
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
