i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
