there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
