went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
