I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
