we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
