This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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