He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
