Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
