I want to make a zoo with you.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
And then he peed in my hair
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