God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize