How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
