like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
