We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
