Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
