I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize