ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
