I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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