I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
