am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
