god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I intend to get homeless drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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