he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
