i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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