you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I touched a dick in church today
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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