Me too!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
