the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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