The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
