I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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