That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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