but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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