I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
