Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
