We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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