I got chris browned last night
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize