I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
