The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
