He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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