She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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