I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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