Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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