There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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