is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
