i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
