then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
